2013: The Year to be Fearless

Another obligatory "resolutions" post?  Yup, because this year is going to be EPIC. Trust me on this.

I was chatting with a friend about resolutions, and I told him I resolve this year to be fearless.

"Fearless against what?"

Against what? I thought that was obvious!

Truth be told, in a lot of ways I'm a big chicken. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of my own limitations. I'm afraid of what some people think of me.

Not all people, but some.

I care about what people think of me, more than most would guess by looking at me. With my brightly colored hair, facial piercings and tattoos, most people would say I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me. Generally, this is true, but for some reason there are some people whose opinions matter to me, for no rational reason at all. In fact these are typically people whose opinions matter least. Why is that? I really need to let that go and learn to live out loud, as myself, no matter what anyone thinks. That's gonna take practice.

But back to being fearless. Part of it is not caring what certain friends or acquaintances think. Not worrying so much about pleasing everyone, being nice to everyone, or saying "maybe," when I really should just say "No." And not have to justify why I'm saying no, for that matter.

I'm moving 700 miles across the country this year. I'm giving up the safety and security of my apartment, my job, my (too many) belongings. That's some scary stuff! I can't be afraid though, because if I'm afraid I freeze, and I fail. Failure is not growth. That is unacceptable. This year is about letting go of attachment and embracing adventure, and having faith in the gods that no matter what happens, I'm gonna be OK.

This fear of failing makes me take a step back and question, "What is failure? What is success? What would that look like?" Is failure not having a job, a way to get food and shelter? Is failure having to move back to New York because it's "too hard" out there? Or did I succeed just for the sheer fact that I tried it. What happens if I have to admit it was a mistake, that I was wrong? Will it matter what people think of me, if that happens?

Lots of big questions.

I think the ultimate fearlessness would be trying, failing, and facing the world as a (perceived) failure... and not caring what the world thinks of my results. That would be the ultimate victory, wouldn't it?

That's not really the kind of winning I want though. I want to stand up on my own and not have to explain why I didn't reach my dreams. That means smashing through the limitations that I put on myself, and not ever excepting "CAN'T."  "Can't" doesn't exist.

I can sell all of my things. I can raise the money I need to move.
I can get a job. I can have a place to live. I can take care of myself.
I can make friends.
I can climb that wall in Warrior Dash.
I can follow my passions. I can inspire others.
I can know what my purpose is. I can serve the gods. I can serve my country.

This is my resolution.

I resolve to live out loud, with passion, and inspire others.
I resolve to have a life that others look at and say "Man... I wish I could do that!"
Then I can say, "You can do that, because even I did it, and I'm just me."

This is my resolution.
I resolve to be fearless.