Thirty

I got the best compliment yesterday. "Wow, you don't look thirty!" Thank you, Primal lifestyle!

The celebrations were fantastic, and I want to share them with you, just as promised. There isn't a lot to tell, but there are pictures!

I started my birthday celebrations with a FANTASTIC breakfast at Walker Cake Company. Gluten-Free french toast topped with their homemade gluten-free granola, eggs, and delicious sausage! My mouth was SO happy that morning!

After breakfast Danielle and I hit the tattoo shop for our "Sisters" tattoos, and some piercings. She got her ear done twice, and I got my nipples done. I was terrified, but it wasn't so bad. No... there are no pictures of those! The ink, however...

There's the outline...

I guess he hit a spot that tickled. That's the "I'm trying not to twitch" face.

My tattoo!

Danielle's tattoo!

After getting inked and pierced, we chilled with my Bests at Soul Full before heading down the street to dinner.

Modelling my tiara we fashioned out of my mold-able necklace.
(Thanks Cahlan!)

Dinner was at Holmes Plate. Silliness ensued.

Moi and my birthday twin, Chelse.
We were Bests from the minute we learned we had the same birthday. :)

Prezzies! Among the gifts, TWO bottles of Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale,
A strawberry planter, and lamb chops! Does my family know me or what?

The tables are covered with brown paper, and they have cups of crayons... so my friends made art!

Brian's "Drunk Kitchen" reference.
The taco IS a most versatile fruit!

Cindy's pretty dragon!

I kept the rolls of paper, and will be framing some of the art.

I also got these for my birthday...

Tie-Dye Roses! And they smell wonderful!

A pink-haired monster, because I'm Kelsey's pink-haired monster!

My friend Charlie's birthday was on Saturday, so I made oodles of jello shots for the partay. It was good times.

Not Primal. I so didn't care. The partiers LOVED them.

Chelse and I hit the bar for some drinks with Danielle. She had a hard day at work.

Working for Corning can make you crazy.
Notice, mold-able necklace makes lovely antennae.

Chelse and I took of to Rochester (where she lives) for my first ever Yoga Rave. Yeah, you read that right! It was awesome!

Painted faces! Just like the first day we met!

No rave is complete without strobe jewelry and glow sticks!

The rave was so cool, and I really want to go to another one soon. Between the dancing and the yoga and the meditation, I left feeling like a million bucks.

Hmm... I guess thirty isn't so bad after all...

I know I'm about a week late in posting. It's been a hectic week and next week is lining up to be the same. Thank goodness spring break is coming up soon. I'm really going to need it.

I hate that I have a ton of blog posts and food ideas that just haven't happened. *sigh* Thank you for sticking around and being patient with me through my crazy life. You guys rock. :)

Simple Pleasures: Spare Time, Updates.

Spare time is something you don't take for granted once you lose it. I was blessed with a cancelled class and a few extra hours to accomplish my ever-growing to-do list. I can't begin to describe to you what joy I just took in mopping my floor.

Who would have ever thought I'd actually take pleasure in cleaning my house? As gruddy and imperfect as this old Fort is, I feel a certain sense of pride and accomplishment when I get it all tidy and clean. Any good Witch will tell you it's more about the metaphysical clean than it is the actual dirt and grime, and it's true. Nothing clears my energy, my spirit, my mind, like a neat, tidy and clean house. It leaves me wide open to focusing on my studies. Clean my house for better grades? Yeah, something like that.

While waiting for the floor to dry I'm spending a few precious minutes catching up here (I miss you all!) and spending a little quality sitting time with my kitties. I really need to be reading though. I should do my next 4 chapters for Psychology and Public Speaking so that I'm free to enjoy my weekend without the worry of homework come Monday. I'll get to that... when the house is done.

I did want to update you on what's been happening in the Wilderness World, and all it's glorious chaos.

School & Work
These are going well enough, as you can imagine, in spite of the feeling I'm drowning.

The Fort Disaster Project
Since I'm going to be here for a few more years, I figured I might as well make this a place worth living. While on expedition around the property in search of wood to burn, Brian and I found some magnificent treasures. From these treasures we're creating a series of upgrades to the property. The only real expense will be our labor, and some seeds.

Step One: Fire Pit. It took all day, but we turned a patch of char into a very respectable fire pit, and had some fun in the process. Step Two will be installing new seating around the pit. From there we will be building a large Co-Op style garden.

What do you do when you don't have a wheelbarrow?
Strap a garbage can to Brian.

Beginning the Fire Pit

Laying in the stones...

Epic Fire Pit!

Cahlan, wearing avocado chocolate pudding pie.

Obviously it was a pretty fun day! And we did christen the fire pit with the first fire of the year, in MARCH!

Diet & Exercise
With classes and work, I am at home (at best) 3 nights a week. With going to the gym in the morning, I eat practically no meals, nor shower, at home anymore. This last week has been exceptionally unusual. I've not gone to the gym, slept in every morning, and fasted until dinner time every day this week.

Warrior Diet style eating actually feels pretty darn good this time around, and I'm down about 3 pounds (mostly water I'm sure.) At the very least, I'm un-puffy. I have a feeling it's not going to last long with all the partying about to happen this weekend. Last time I didn't do so great, but I'm eating a great number more carbs this time around too. I'm guessing that makes most of the difference.

Once I return to my exercise regimen, I will be including more running and I'm wondering what sort of detriment I might (or might not) suffer from working out early in the morning and fasting until dinner. I suppose the only way to know is to try it. For now though sleep is taking priority over exercise. At worst I will have to eat some eggs and drink some milk for breakfast. Oh the horrors!

Food
That's really why you're here, I know. What about the food!? Well, I did have some fun food things happen this last week or so.

More balls! When I stopped at the butcher last weekend he stepped out of his office door, telling me he was just thinking about me. He just butchered a lamb and had some oysters he was about to toss in the freezer. Do I have good timing or what!? It was a nice change having them fresh rather than frozen. Nothing fancy this time around and no great recipes to share. I simply enjoyed the simplicity of the meal. I did, however, find an interesting blog post that suggests this high-protein offal might be good way to fight cellulite. No joke!

I also made a most delicious chocolate pudding pie (with homemade whipped cream) out of my avocado chocolate pudding. Since I epically failed to photograph this, I will simply have to make another one. Oh dear. What a shame.

Jello shots (so not Primal) for Charlie's (and mine,
and Chelse's) birthday bash. We girls are
totally commandeering his party. ;)

Other Stuff
Spring break seems SO far away. Three weeks I believe. In the meantime I'm taking a weekend to screw off and celebrate my (and my spirit-twin, Chelse's) birthday. It's going to be a huge fun-packed weekend full of tattoos, piercings, food, parties, booze, and a yoga trance rave. Don't know what that is? Neither do I, but it sure sounds fun!

I will update as soon as I can next week with all the details.

That Damn Clock. And Milk?

Am I the only one who just can't get with the program this week?

I cannot seem to drag my butt out of bed before 7am to get to the gym, no matter how hard I try. The light comes on, the alarm goes off, I wake up... then my body says "Nope!" and drags me back into bed. I seem to have no control over it.

I do trust my body knows best, so I'm not kicking myself too hard, but it's still frustrating.

Part of the problem could be stress. School has me completely swamped with homework, and I'm certainly not eating as well as I could be. It's a juggling game and I'm about to drop some knives.

Also...

I know dairy is one of those "moderation" foods according to all Primal and Paleo dieters, but I'm starting to question whether it may actually have a place in my diet. I found a source for Organic, Grass-fed, RAW milk. How can I turn this down? Especially with my chaotic schedule. It seems like it could be a very good and healthful "fast food."

Not to mention all the things I can make with it.

1) Yogurt
2) Ice Cream
3) Butter
4) Kefir
5) Smoothies!

That's just off the top of my head. I also find that milk can be surprisingly filling (Yay fat!) and help me control my appetite.

Because I'm kind of obsessive, I did find some links as to why drinking raw milk might be a good thing. This one from Nourished Kitchen is convincing. Especially the bit about clabbering. (You read that right. Clabbering.)

Maybe the Masai aren't too far off. Now if only I could find some fresh blood to supplement...

You think I'm joking.

Nah, no you don't. You know me by now.

Have you ever tried dairy with honey? Now THAT is heaven!

And let's not forget Marilyn Monroe and her very Primalesque diet. Milk and eggs for breakfast, meat and veggies for dinner. I see nothing unhealthy about this... especially if one is to consume milk raw.

Summer's coming, and there's nothing better than a nice, thick protein shake after a morning workout, or for lunch while sunbathing. With hot weather comes my inclination to eat more raw foods. Maybe milk will be one of them?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on raw milk as not just a treat, but a staple of diet.

Food-P0rn Friday :)

In yesterday's seriousness I completely forgot to share two food epiphanies I had in a more-or-less unplanned dinner. It serendipitously resulted in...

FOOD-P0RN FRIDAY!

First up... Bacon-Ranch Salad Dressing

While at the grocery store I got irritated at my inability to find a single salad dressing that wasn't based with soybean oil. Even the "organic" ones! Gah! I checked every single bottle. The only one I found was a Bragg's dressing, but no way in hell am I paying $5 for a bottle of salad dressing.

So I made my own.

I picked up a $1.39 packet of Simply Organic ranch dressing mix. I got it home and the only thing I had to combine it with was baconnaise and coconut milk that have been sitting in the fridge. 1/4 cup of each and the result was spectacular! It was a happy accident. The rest is history.

I know Simply Organic dressing mix is not the most Primal option, but it tastes damn good.

I had planned on chicken hearts and livers for dinner, while enjoying a night to myself and a few more episodes of True Blood. I wanted to do something a little different and found some leftover spicy sesame sauce from my jellyfish experiment.

Ta-da! Spicy Sesame Chicken Heart & Liver Kebabs.

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What better to eat while watching True Blood? :)

And Brussels sprouts is always a win.

I Am Not A Superhero

Before leaving the house this morning I dabbed on a small bit of Love oil that I bought from Charleen. My plan for the oil was to make bath oils, but it smells nice as a perfume. Little did I know what sort of affect it would have on me today. My side intention might have been to encourage the guys at work to be nicer to me and be a little compassionate, or perhaps to somehow cosmically attract the man of my dreams in some strange twist of fate. What I didn't expect is that it would encourage me to feel more love and compassion for myself. A Witch of so many years, and still I fail to see.

Sometimes it gets tough, sharing my weight loss story. There are so many implied expectations, sometimes from others, but mostly from myself. Expectations that I should be this super-fit Primal superhero. Wonder Cavewoman.

Why of course I eat only wild animals and vegetables I forage myself. Oh yeah, pull ups, push ups and squatting twice my body weight are a piece of cake. I do that every day, and I can sprint like a cheetah and catch rabbits with my bare hands.

Ok, maybe that's a bit overboard, but you get my jist.

I've been Primal for almost 3 years now. In that time I've lost 50 pounds (past the conventional 75) and regained about 35. Some of it might be muscle, but clearly not enough. I see photos of myself at my whispy 125 pounds and lament that I'm not there now. I wonder if it's worth running 7 miles a day and meticulously counting calories to get back there. Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes, no... not really.

I am not a Superhero.
I can't run far or fast.
I can't do a pullup.
I'm not a size 6, or even a size 8 anymore.
I over-eat.
I sometimes binge.
I'll never wear a bikini.
I will never have my bellybutton pierced.
I don't look good naked.
I am not a Superhero.

STOP.

Today I had compassion for myself, for not being able to hold up to my own expectations. I don't want to be obsessive about what I eat, or how much I exercise. I just wish it would come as naturally to me as it seems to for so many others. And then again... maybe it doesn't for them either. While there's a side of me that's ashamed that I sort of dropped the ball, there's another part of me that just wants to love and appreciate my body for what it is.

In the grand scheme of things it won't really matter how much I weigh, or what my jeans size is. It won't make anyone love me more or less, and if it does, screw 'em. Right? But what if I'm the one who won't love me?

This is the tug-o-war I live with, a love/hate relationship with myself that I may never understand. Logic says that if I just accept myself everything else will just fall into place. Can it really be that easy? And if so, why is it so damn hard to do!?

It's a struggle to not over-think everything. How much to exercise, to eat, to fast... what to eat and when. Constantly calculating, processing... obsessing about not obsessing. Eat enough feed my body, but not too much or I'll get fat. Gah! It's insanity.

I swear former fat people's brains are broken. At least mine is.

So what to do about it?

Break the cycle.

This is a spiritual struggle as much as any physical & emotional struggle. I need Artemis' strength to be a warrior, and I need Hathor's compassion to Be Ok.

Finding Equilibrium... Again? Still?

It's sometimes hard to believe that in my nearly 3 years being Primal, I still haven't found "the way" that works best for me. Then I realize it's because my life is always changing. Work, overtime, no overtime, school, no school, ... I'm in a constant state of change. Aren't we all though? I've tried high fat. I've tried zero carb. I've tried 3 squares, Fast-5, one big meal...

School is full speed ahead right now. Between classes, work, and the gym I'm at home for breakfast one morning a week, perhaps two, and at home for dinner 4 nights a week at best. Lunch might happen on the weekends if I'm lucky. It seems I eat away from home more than at home anymore, which can make cooking and eating a real drag. I also find myself IFing more than I had been simply out of convenience. The trick is getting enough fuel for my workouts. And enough sleep. Sleep is as important as food and exercise when it comes to feeling good and healthy.

My recent addiction to True Blood isn't helping much.

I'm also trying not to be concerned about my increased reliance on whey. Granted, I have probably the cleanest whey possible, but it's not "real food" and doesn't nourish me the way a good steak or pile of eggs does. It is, however, quick and convenient when I'm at work.

Perhaps there's no harm in making it 1 of my 2 meals a day for a few months while in school. After all, in the grand scheme of things it's just a blink of an eye, right?

For what it's worth, I might be in a good pattern of under-eating and IFing through the week, and feasting a bit more on the weekend. The hard part is avoiding sugar, which I've been craving a lot more lately. What I wouldn't give for a doughnut sometimes. The cleaner I eat, the better I feel, it's true. I'm reminded of that every time I slip or stagger, and then clean myself back up. Sugar and alcohol do not make me feel good, but it seems that sometimes feeling bad is the only way I can remind myself what good feels like.

Are these the words of an addict?

Or maybe it's my dysfunction.

My main struggle is keeping my indulgences within a single day, let alone a single meal. It seems like the harder my week, the more justification I have for going overboard. It's never anything TOO bad, but cheesecake, non-GMO corn chips, Larabars... that stuff adds up. Convenience doesn't happen, especially without a microwave.

What I need is a plan.

That's my goal for this week, to find a plan that I can manage for the remainder of the semester. It's gonna be a long 3 months.

Jellyfish

Finally, I can cross another one off my list!

Yesterday, I ate jellyfish.

I know many of you are curious about it- what it tastes like and all that. I will say in the many strange things I have eaten, it IS one of the strangest, and not exactly my favorite... but it's not bad and worth a try.

The jellyfish I bought at the Asian market was packaged, not fresh, and only contained the jellyfish and craploads of salt. In fact it required several changes of water to make it palatable. The package suggested soaking for 3 hours, changing the water every 30 minutes. Obviously I don't have that kind of time on my hands, so I just dumped it into a bowl of water and took it to work with me, where I changed the water every couple of hours during my breaks. By time I got home it was all rinsed and de-salted, and ready for cooking.

Now I used to joke that my kombucha scobys looked like jellyfish. I had no clue how totally accurate that description is. Behold... jellyfish. It looks like a mammoth scoby! Or chicken skin. It does look a lot like chicken skin...

Cooking instructions said to be quick- cooking no longer than 8 minutes. Well I'm down with that, being time crunched and all. I started 2 large pots of water boiling on the stove and got all my prep work out of the way- cutting up the (2) jellyfish into strips, cutting up the broccoli, and making a sauce. The sauce was sort of thrown together at random. Tomato paste, sesame oil, wheat-free tamari, lemon juice, minced garlic, minced ginger... and I think that's it. Oh, and sriracha!

Broccoli into one pot to blanch, jellyfish in the other to cook. I figured 5 minutes (the minimum time indicated on the package) was adequate. Drained the broccoli, then drained the jellyfish. I sauced them both up and combined them in the bowl, and topped it with sesame seeds. It looked almost restaurant quality! I pulled out my fancy chopsticks for this one.

So it looks good right, But how does it taste?

Not much like anything at all really. The jellyfish itself had no real detectable flavor, but the spicy sesame sauce sure did!

Texture was unexpected. I was imagining something closer to squid or octopus, but that's not it at all. Jellyfish is wiggly. It reminded me of boiled chicken skin, only thicker. I wouldn't call it gross, just... different. Being that the jellyfish doesn't lend much nutrition to a dish, and doesn't have much by way of mouth feel, I'd say it makes a better accompaniment than a main ingredient.

And I noticed something amusing. Once cooked, the jellyfish got these little... I wouldn't call them spines, because they're not sharp. Protrusions? It certainly looked like I was eating sea creature. The texture was just a little gelatinous.

Over all, I don't love it and I don't hate it. Sure, I might buy another one next time I'm in Rochester just to play around with. It's worth a few bucks.

In Other News:

I'm obsessed with durian. Seriously, I have a problem I ate an entire durian in less than a week. It's a good thing I bought two! The second will remain frozen for another couple of weeks. At least.

Also:

I did finish February's 1000 Squat Challenge, though it was a few hours or so late. I had a really crappy day on Wednesday and totally forgot about my final 50, which I promptly finished Thursday morning. Still, 1000 squats in less than 30 days. I can be proud of that.

And Finally:

Another reminder that I'm raising money for St Jude Children's Research Hospital as part of Warrior Dash. If you would like to donate, go to THIS PAGE. On behalf of the kiddos, I thank you!