Small Victories, Not-So-Small Post

A friend introduced me to her blog recently. In many ways we couldn't be more different- me being Primal and she being Vegan- but in many ways we're very much the same. We have very similar opinions on what food should be, and what food absolutely shouldn't be. We just have different methods of execution on our ideals. And let me tell you, this woman can make some absolutely amazing cupcakes. I'm just saying.

We also have a similar, what could be called dysfunctional, relationship with food. It's not an eating disorder. It's not even really disordered eating. It's just... One of her blog posts prompted me to take a better look at my own issues with this, and write about it.

Most of you know about my history with weight and weight loss, much thanks to Mark Sisson at Mark's Daily Apple. I've had some great successes with the Primal Blueprint, and I've also had some huge failures. This is not a reflection on Primal Blueprint because it absolutely works. I simply managed to show you can have a less-than-optimal lifestyle while also eating the best foods possible.

I've also been struggling very recently with staying Primal and not cheating too often. In an attempt to not be too restrictive, I've managed to not really be restrictive at all. I struggle to find equilibrium in my diet. My friends, as much as I love them, aren't a huge help in this arena. The guys have a mindset that because I'm working out again that I can indulge and eat what I want. It's very hard to explain that my workouts are not meant to be a justification for eating anything, they're to get strong and fit. I also seem to have trouble convincing them that some foods like wheat and dairy really do make me feel crappy, and that it's not just in my head or me being a stubborn Food Nazi.

This trumped cheesecake.
Brian's body parts making another appearance.

The last few days have been better, Primalwise. Not perfect by any means (says the 3 empty bottles of wine in my garbage bin- not ALL consumed by me mind you) but better than I have been. Friday was a particularly victorious day. I'd had a crappy week at work, a pile of school stress, and feeling very melancholy due to way too many missed workouts. At the end of the day all I wanted was decadent cheesecake from Atlas, with bacon and chocolate sauce on top. I wanted to gorge myself on deliciousness. In the 5 mile drive from my house to meet my friends at the coffee shop I managed to change my mind. Instead of cheesecake I stopped at Wegmans and bought a pint of blueberries, a banana, and a small Divine 70% chocolate bar, and coffee with cream & stevia. It might seem silly to some people, but it was a victory to me, to say no to cheesecake and nourish myself with fruit instead.

I ate well all through the day yesterday, starting out with a cup of coffee with cream & stevia, and a banana for breakfast during my 8am chemistry class. "Lunch" was a snack of cheddar beef stick (from my butcher) and a red pear. I hit the gym hard and returned home to enjoy a sweet potato with Kerrygold, a bit of leftover braised cabbage, and the leftover venison heart.

I just LOVE chicken feet. Plain with a little salt,
or slathered in Frank's Red Hot & butter.

Last night, as much of a mistake it was to drink so much wine- a bottle and a half on my own, I'm finding a silver lining. It was a fantastic game night with my friends. I broke out my new deep fryer for some chicken feet and later some plantains, and let the guys debauch it with making deep fried Oreos and snack cakes. Everything was cooked in lard mind you. Chicken feet and plantains fried in lard. You can't get much more awesome than that. In spite if their insistence and almost force that I partake in Oreos (which I don't even like to begin with), I passed. I really want to eat clean until my birthday next month, no matter how much I get scoffed at. Eating clean makes me feel good, and for the life of me I can't figure out how I've allowed myself to get so far off track.

Perfect example of System D. When you don't have a spatter screen...
a mesh strainer works just as well.

And silver lining #2: I no longer have a ton of wine sitting around my house collecting dust.

Today I did nearly as well. I ate light through the day- cheddar beef stick and coffee with cream held me throughout the day, and for dinner I made egg drop soup. I may have over-thickened it with arrowroot however.

Right now I'm just trying to have a rational relationship with food and not obsess too much. Before I was Primal and running 7 miles every morning, I was insane about what I ate and when. 5 meals a day, tracking every single calorie. 1300 calories a day most days. I was smaller then, in truth, but I was also obsessed. Now I try to keep my calories in the 1600-2000 range, and I'll occasionally eyeball estimate my intake, but I can't allow myself to get sucked back into Fitday or any other calorie tracker. I try not to think too much about it too much, but I'm in this tug-of-war between wanting to wear my size 6 jeans again, and sanity. Part of it is realizing that this is a process, and that I'll get there with time, persistence, and patience.

It's also a matter of reducing stress, staying hydrated, getting plenty of sleep, and in all other ways taking care of myself.

February Squats Challenge continues. I've been doing about 100 squats every day or every other day, 50 in a set. I'm up to 600 now. I tell you what, yesterday's second set was brutal. I was wrapping up my day at the gym and by the last 10 I just wanted to cry. But... I did it. Only 400 more squats to do in the next 10 days. Totally do-able.

Countdown to Warrior Dash continues. 174 days until the big race! Don't forget, I'm participating in a fund raiser for St Jude Children's Cancer Research Hospital and I would greatly appreciate it if you'd sponsor me! I'm hoping to get 49 people to match my $10 donation. You can do that by visiting THIS PAGE. (And thanks in advance!)

That's all for now. Maybe if I update more often the darn posts won't be so long!