Occupy Yourself

I'm sorry, but these "Occupy" protesters just have me steamed. Seriously.

What's wrong with people? What has this country come to that we have people out protesting on the street, and for what!?

They have school loans? Oh boo-hoo.
They don't like how much money some people have? Get over it.

These protestors claim to be the 99%, but they certainly don't represent me!

Life is hard boys and girls. Sometimes it downright sucks. But you put on your big boy pants and do what has to be done. I'm sorry if you're $120,000 in student loan debt. YOU took out the loan. It's YOUR problem. I'm sorry if your parents' house is being foreclosed on. They took out the loan. It's their problem. Nobody forced any of you into your situations. You made poor decisions and now you have to pay for it. That's life!

I made poor decisions too, and I paid for it. Shoot, I'm still paying for it. I was an idiot that had to go to the big expensive college that I couldn't afford. I got student loan debt and so did my parents. I worked but not enough, and I got into credit card debt. I quit school and had crappy jobs. Finally I filed bankruptcy on $10,000 debt. I was a complete idiot who still had to pay back $6,000 to Sallie Mae. You know what though? I grew up.

I've spent the majority of the last decade working- 7 years at the same small company, run by one of those "evil" rich guys. I like my job, but I live on approximately $16,000 a year. Money is tight. I paid off my student loan. I have no debt now. I rent a small one-bedroom apartment, I pay my utilities. I don't have cable, and I drive a 9-year-old paid-for car. Now I'm putting myself through college. I work 40, 50, 60 hours in a week and take classes full time. If I need to go to the doctor, I pay for it myself. I pay for my eye doctor, my dentist, and the $500 blood test to prove I've been vaccinated for school. I am part of the 53% that actually pays taxes.

You "Occupy" protestors should be ashamed of yourself. What's your excuse? Either you're lazy, or you feel entitled to something you didn't earn.

And for what it's worth, I have attended Tea Party rallies, and I was at Glenn Beck's 8/28 Rally at the National Mall in Washington D.C. Let me tell you, there's no way any of us would have been caught dead behaving like you yahoos. We bathe, we clean up after ourselves, we don't crap on police cars, and we don't denigrate Jews. We had not one single incident because we respect police officers.

To be honest, I've never been more ashamed of my country, or its citizens. You need to grow up, get off your lazy, spoiled asses and do some menial labor. Learn what real hard work is. Dr Martin Luther King Jr dreamed of a world where a man was judged not by the color of his skin, but the content of his character. I hate to say it, you people have no character.

And how about a little gratitude, huh? Instead of bitching and moaning about what others have, and what you don't have, how about being a little grateful? You live in the best country in the world and you aren't thankful. Think of how many other worse places you could be, where women don't have rights, where babies are killed for being the wrong gender, where there is no food or clean drinking water. You live in a country where the worst thing you could do for a living is be a garbage man, while in some places people live amongst the trash, praying to survive. God forbid you might have to flip some burgers for a living.

Put down your iPhone, stop being a useful idiot for people who want to destroy this country, and the gods know if you're a Communist, Anarchist or Marxist... you should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm done now. I'm tired. It's been a long day and I have to go to bed so I can go to work and school tomorrow.

This is Too Cool!

Ok, this is just too cool. I HAVE to share it with you all.

See that? Yup, that is YOURS TRULY featured in the trailer, AND THE BOOK!

That means you all need to go out right now and buy it! Go to MarksDailyApple.com to get the low down on a really, really great deal.

Amish & A Niche

Earlier this week I somewhat joked that I couldn't ever move to Tennessee for two reasons.

1) They don't have Wegmans
2) They don't have Amish

Ok, #2 isn't exactly true, but I don't know if Tennessee Amish are like the Amish I have here. While I knew that the Amish played a part in my food network, it dawned on me yesterday just how much I rely on them for my food supply.

Saturday morning I go to my butcher. My butcher is not Amish, but Mennonite. Very similar in most respects and he's the only person I like to buy my meat from. I trust him, I know what I'm getting, and it's a very fair price. It takes time to not only find a butcher like him, but build a relationship with him and the family. I love the ladies that run the kitchen and counter at the butcher shop. The butcher's daughter, Lucy knows what I usually buy and the kinds of meats I typically look for.

After I left the butcher with this week's prizes- 2 pounds of pork chops, a pound of bacon and 3 dozen eggs for $16- I drove to my hometown to get my hair done, and I stopped at the vegetable stand that the Amish set up in the park. There I walked away with 2 acorn squash, a spaghetti squash, and 2 ears of corn for a whopping $4. I can feed myself on an entire week, if not longer, on $20.

Even the house I rent is maintained by the Amish, come to think of it. My landlord hired some Amish gentlemen to do some construction on the house- repairing the roof, replacing doors and windows, though unfortunately not in my apartment.

Save for coffee, chocolate and coconut products, everything I need can come from the Amish and Mennonite communities. I'm feeling a need to contribute and give back with more than just my dollars. These are precious people for me. Yes, part of it is because they provide me with food, but also they add a wholesome quality to our community. Good ethics, especially good work ethics, they take care of the land they possess, and they're a reminder that there is a simpler (and very happy) way to live. I admire their community, their skills, their entire way of life.


Things are crazy in the world right now. I feel a certain need to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. That means having extra food in my house, knowing who I can rely on, and learning skills that will serve useful should I need to rely completely on myself and my network. The trouble is, I don't think I have any really valuable skills. I can make a decent meal and I'm pretty good at experimenting in the kitchen, but when it comes to knowing something useful to contribute to a potential community or tribe... I just don't have it. Yes, I know how to kill and clean animals, but I'm not an expert hunter or trapper. I know a few wild edibles but not enough to feed hungry people. Kombucha brewing is not a survival skill is it?

The Amish specialize. One family will have a chicken farm, another raises goats, and a greenhouse. Some do woodworking, others shoe horses, some make furniture. It seems like everyone has their niche, each one is a piece of the whole. I think we need more of that in our world. People who are in trades are very valuable. Mechanics, plumbers, physicians... they specialize. Within my inner circles I know my friend JP makes great pickles and is good at preserving food. My parents can preserve food, my mother and sister both can sew. My dad knows about mechanics and gardening. Everybody has something that they can contribute to the tribe. I have to find my niche, that thing that makes me useful.

The question is... what?

Growing

Today was one of "those" days... and not just one of them, but a whole week jammed into 24 hours of "It can't get any worse than this. Oh wait, it just did."

Start by not getting enough sleep and waking up late for yoga class. Nothing like being in a mad rush to get to yoga. Uncooperative cats threaten their own mortality, because if I have to try one more time to get them out of my bedroom before I leave, one or both are going out the window. I don't feel one bit guilty for tempting them out by shaking the bag of treats, and then not giving them any. I'm not in the mood for games this morning.

Typically speeding to work when BLAM! Car stops working. Just stops. Push the gas and... nothing. Turn the key and... nothing. Great. Freakin' great. At least I got the car onto an exit ramp and mostly off to the shoulder. Well now I am late.

Fast forward... Crane's tows my car to my workplace, dad meets me there. $108 that I can't afford right now. A quick stop over to yoga class to catch the last 20 minutes, then back to work. Minor irritations throughout the day but no major disasters, thank goodness. Unless of course you count the car. Dad to the rescue, calling mechanics and figuring out the issue.

As it turns out I'll need the head rebuilt. A peachy $1500 bill. Yes, I cried. At work. I have to give my coworkers credit for helping me make the best of the situation. Between gentle humor and sympathy they earned at least a little more of my respect, if only for another day. You can't expect much more from a couple of guys. My supervisor gave me a free pass for overtime to help me pay for this huge hit. Not that I want to live at my company, but it looks like that's the plan unless a miracle happens.

Life is a bit tough right now. Money is beyond tight. I just paid for my first semester of school and started saving for the spring. This wipes me out almost completely. As it stands, I'm not sure I'll be in school next semester, unless something amazing happens. I'm praying to all the gods that be, that they'll be generous to me these next few months.

On top of all the other irritation, Mother Nature decided to pay a visit today. Damn you lunar cycles! Why put off til tomorrow what you can do today? And damn it I can't get my cup to set right. I swear, if today wasn't the day to eat chocolate cake for dinner, I don't know what is.

For what it's worth, I'm eating salmon, and veggies... and rice. Sue me. I need a happy pill and right now my happy pill is rice, because it was in the house and I don't have any money to buy chocolate!

With all the disaster that happened today, and as bad as I feel about my situation... I have hope and faith. I have hope that I can pull myself out of this somehow, and I have faith that no matter what, everything will be ok. Life goes on. I will survive. It's a strange mixture of panic and peace that I'm feeling inside. What can I do other than roll with the punches and take life as it comes?

I have so much gratitude today.

I'm grateful to the New York State Troopers who came to watch out for me, making sure some fool didn't slam into my disabled car.

I'm grateful to the guy at Crane's Towing who got up at ass-crack early to come tow my car, and was pleasant about it.

I'm grateful for my dad for coming to the rescue, yet again. He handles these catastrophes like a master, knowing just what to do and who to call. I'm also grateful that he let me borrow (what I've decided to nickname) the Blue Beast- his big ol Dodge Ram 1500. I tell ya, driving that thing is like being a pilot!

I'm grateful for my coworkers not being jerks, for my supervisor being understanding and helping me get extra hours.

I'm grateful for my friends doing what they can to make me smile throughout the day. They know the true power of a bacon joke and offerings of fine food, however far away they may be.

I'm grateful to come home to a warm, dry home and food in my pantry. I may not be able to buy a chocolate bar right now, but I have plenty of meat in my freezer and a jar of rice left over from nursing a sick ratty oh so many months... heck, more than a year ago. Waste not, want not. I remember Mom saying that.

Something's telling me a time for sacrifice is upon me. Cut the spending, slash the budget. Life will be bare essentials for a while, because if I want to be in school I'm going to have to make it the number one priority. As Dave Ramsey fans know... rice and beans, beans and rice. I'm going into survival mode. And who knows, it may mean spiritual sacrifices as well. I may owe the gods a goat... or at least a bottle of wine, if they get me through this.

My final thought for the evening before eating dinner (damn, rice takes a long time to cook!) is a comment my dad made on my Facebook page tonight.

"Tomorrow you'll realize how much you grew today. LY"

I think I already know... and thank you Dad. Love You too. <3

Walking in Balance

I've come to know that in order to live a long, happy, healthy life one must live in a balanced state of being. But really... what does that mean? What does it look like? Walking in balance is a Native American expression used to explain the concept of living in harmony with nature, but it can also mean achieving a balance between mind, body, spirit and emotions.

I can't say that I live a life of perfect balance... or much balance at all sometimes. I feel like I sometimes easily get out of whack and are about to topple over, both literally and figuratively. It's the reason I never really learned to skate. Well, that and my complete inability to STOP once I get moving forward. Great concept for career and life goals, but a disaster when you're actually on wheels.

We all know it's important to eat a "balanced diet." Isn't that what the food pyramid and "my plate" non-sense is all about? Well that and corporate lobbying, but I digress...

If asked, I would tell people a balanced diet is full of meat and veggies, and other nutrient-dense foods (like nuts and berries.) What that looks like is up to the individual. Does that mean you have to have a perfectly divided plate covering all of the important food groups? Nope. It's perfectly OK to eat just a big salad full of veggies sometimes, and it's perfectly OK to eat just a rotisserie chicken.

I was reminded of how important balance is this weekend, in a few ways. First, I finally got a couple hours to go out and enjoy some nature. Pretty shameful that The Wilderness Childe hasn't been out in nature in weeks. Yes, weeks. I didn't realize how unbalanced, and how much like a zoo animal I'd been feeling lately, until I got back outside and reconnected with the source. A real breath of fresh air. No pun intended.

It's important for people to be IN nature, touch it and feel it, every once in a while. You have to do more than drive down the highway with your windows down. You need to walk barefoot in the grass! I wore my FiveFinger Sprints through the woods and thoroughly enjoyed feeling every pebble and twig under foot. Eat some wild fruit (but know what you're eating!) and feel the warm sun on your skin. It'll bring you back down to earth where you belong. You can't be just a zoo person. Maybe that's what's wrong with all those people that live in cities, surrounded perpetually by concrete.

I also found an appreciation for my personal space. I had a friend visit for the weekend, and as much as I love my friends... I learned I definitely need my own down time. Being social is fun, and I certainly enjoy it, but maybe I sort of take for granted having time and space to think, and just be in my own mind. Not to mention physical space and having a balance between bonding and being able to breathe. Even the cats get to be too much. They're very cuddly, snugly creatures and there are times I find myself screaming "Gah! Move!" and having to break free from being smothered by felines. Down the road when I am married and have kids, that private time will nearly cease to exist. I better enjoy it now.

It's also quite apparent that a break from work and school, and all adult responsibility in general is going to be required...

Hopefully very soon.

Eat the Frog

Ratatouille is one of my all-time favorite movies. So many wonderful quotes, and a fantastic lesson- something often missed in movies anymore.

Today I have an Anton Ego line running through my head. "After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?"  Well, maybe not the whole quote, but the phrase "A little perspective." Over and over again in my brain.

I've gotten a good dose of perspective over the last months, with juggling work and school, finding time to cook and eat healthfully, my body image issues, weight gain, dating, friendships, family drama, the new Hell-kitten and just trying to keep up with life in general. When you have more obligations than you do time, it really makes you re-evaluate, and you come to realize that some things matter and some things just... don't. It's up to the individual what's most important to them.

Steve Jobs passed away yesterday, and Glenn Beck was playing clips of some of his more inspirational comments. Many were about dying and living without regrets. That's something we all strive to do, but how many of us actually do it? Jobs seems to have. All the successful people do.

I'm filling in as supervisor this week while my boss is away with his family, soaking up sunshine in Disney World. I made a conscious decision about two days ago, nearly halfway through the week, to take a more Zen approach to the whole ordeal. Typically I am of the perfectionist sort, where I have to do the job just as masterfully as my supervisor does seems to. Naturally that tends to cause a fair amount of anxiety and stress- especially with uncooperative co-workers and kicking myself over ridiculous mistakes (that sometimes cost the company money. But stress is bad for my waistline, and I need to minimize both whenever possible. My adrenals will surely be thankful.

This week. This week is Zen. I'm doing the best that I can, and I know it. Mistakes happen, but odds are they won't be the end of the company, or my job. So why stress? And if they are... well, life goes on.

My yoga instructor put us through a very helpful (and silly) exercise last week and asked us to do our worst possible Sun Salutations- because then you've made all the mistakes you can possibly make. The worst has happened so you don't have to dwell on what could go wrong. It already has. That leaves you open to achieve complete success! "Eat the Frog" she called it. If the worst thing ever was to eat a frog, do it first thing and get it over with. That way the rest of your day looks up. It's all about perspective.

In Hitting the Reset Button I discussed my current weight/size situation and my plan (or lack of a plan) to (not) deal with it. I know how counter-intuitive that sounds, but trust me, it's not. I've taken inspiration from one of my favorite bloggers over at CHEESESLAVE with her recent post on cortisol and it's all finally fitting together. It was about that same day I noticed a photo being passed around Facebook of a gorgeous plus-size nude model, posted as a response to a gym advertizement that asked "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" EXCUSE ME!? The photo caption was superb and only served to reaffirm my recent conclusions on my own diet and living a Primal lifestyle. It was a message of enjoying life rather than beating your body into submission or depriving it of pleasure. If that means wearing a size 9 instead of a size 6, so be it. Ladies, our self worth is not determined by our waist size!

Now, that's not to say I don't believe in eating healthfully, exercising and maintaining a healthy weight. I certainly do, but it has to come in balance. What good is eating perfectly and mastering your workouts, pushing your body to its physical limits if you're stressed out over it or obsessing? Is that bikini worth passing up wine with the girls? Does that morning workout really do any good if you're neglecting your sleep just to squeeze it in? Quite possibly freaking out over eating an ice cream sundae is more damaging to your body than the ice cream itself. Primal wisdom (a la Mark Sisson) states... Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

I don't claim to have all the answers- or even any of them for that matter. For me it's a HUGE success to not be counting or tracking something- calories, carbs, protein. Nope. Zilch, zero, nada, nothing. I consider it a victory that I've come to a point (perhaps in spite of myself) that I am able to completely trust my body and finally eat only according to my hunger cues. I'm starting to believe that is one issue that is actually fixed now that I've given up trying to bend my body to my (and society's) will.

It's all about perspective.

You can either look at the worst of a situation, or you can appreciate life for what it is and have gratitude. If you have to eat a frog, it's only one frog. And once it's done it's over with and you can get on with the rest of your day knowing you did it. You ate the frog.


"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."  - Steve Jobs

Nothing to Say

This is a little surprising. I have nothing to really write about.

...

Try as I might... I can't think of a single darn thing. Life has been a constant cycle of work, eat, sleep, class, homework, work, eat, sleep, class, homework...

Finally I'm all caught up on homework. Fort Disaster is in its usual state of, well... disaster.

I burned up my food processor attempting to do something useful with my 4 bushels of ugly apples.

I got into a fight with my sister who is acting childish and using Facebook as a tool for manipulating people.

But really... nothing of substance. No cool kitchen experiments, foraging finds, spiritual experiences or health news. I'm supposed to write 2 journal entries per week and I find myself without content. I'm simply in a state of being where I just "am" and there's really no mental power left for reflection.

Is that bad? Or is it a good sign?

This week I'm attempting to sleep more (by not pulling ANY overtime at work) and I'm continuing to eat freely (yet Primally.) All good things happening there.

I did take note that it may be time to resume vitamin D supplementation however. It's cold and dark, and winter's coming.

And since I feel a certain responsibility to provide at least some content to my readers (because this is more than just an online journal)... In the spirit of what has become my life lately...

Team Gorilla Monday Update: Find a Way or Make One

If nothing else, I hope you're at least inspired a little. :)

Lord Rama

Ahh, good ol' October. It came in with a chill, much to my dread. I love October- really my favorite month of the year. Hello!? Halloween!

It was about this time last year that I adopted Luna and Hex, a pair of older Oriental Shorthair rescues, and my first cats. It was quite a learning experience, getting used to sharing my home with not one, but two cats. Hex passed earlier this year at the end of June, which left Luna quite lonely, having never been without her brother. Finally, I decided it was time to bring another cat into the house.


Enter, little Lord Rama. Terror of Fort Disaster, Home of the Wilderness Childe.

Rama is my first kitten, and like Luna and Hex, this is something of a learning experience. Rama is a 3-month-old American Wirehair that is bubbling over with energy. He seems to find mischief everywhere. I've come to realize my house is definitely not kittenproof!

With Rama I am learning that I don't handle chaos well. Personal chaos, sure. My life is a bit of a roller-coaster most of the time between work and school. I often refer to situations as "misadventures" in an attempt to keep my sense of humor. Likewise, my home has been informally dubbed "Fort Disaster" - for a very good reason. But this. This kitten. He's another story.

He is uncontrollable chaos. He's like a child, with his own independent attitude and free will. I can't control him or his actions. At best I can influence them to a degree but with limited effect. He either chews my algebra folder, or my hairbrush. I can't stop him from chewing, so I must pick my battle, decide what is more important, and let the rest slide. He's determined to climb on my wine rack, so the bottles all get moved to the smaller rack, allowing the big one to be used as Rama's own personal jungle gym- at least until he's too big to enjoy it.

This must be what parenting is like. Minus poopy diapers.

I'm definitely learning to take things in stride, and you can't really stay mad at him when he nuzzles your face... until he bites your eyelid. (Yes, he JUST did that.) It's funny to think what a nuisance Luna has been, but now she's such a darling angel in comparison. I guess it helps that since Rama came into the house she hasn't been as noisy and complains much less. While she doesn't exactly like him yet, she does seem less lonely.

For me, it's a lesson in patience. He definitely brings a more lively energy into the house- something it desperately needed between my busy life and poor old Luna. Sure, it'll be a challenge having a kitten attacking my hands during downward dog pose, or batting at my head when doing my breathing practice, but such is life.

For now it's a lot of hoping and praying that he doesn't burn the house down or destroy something important- sort of like an actual child- enjoying the happy playful moments in between. And spraying everything with lemon and eucalyptus oil.


A few things cats can teach you- (according to Google...)

• Make the world your playground. 
• Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.
• If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard until you do.
• When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
• Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
• Nap often.
• When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
• Life is hard, and then you nap.
• Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
• When in doubt, cop an attitude.
• Variety is the spice of Life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.
• Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
• Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
• Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care."
• When you have something important to say, try to say it in the dead of night when you're SURE everyone's sleeping. There's no better way to get the attention you deserve.